How to Improve Communication in Your Relationship

Communication is one of the main issues brought to my attention in counseling. Often, the problems evolve around lack of understanding, and unhealthy communication patterns (e.g. name calling, yelling, shutting down, etc.).  While important, a more subtle trend has emerged that is also destructive.

Bored Talk.

Minimum arguments. No disrespect. Just bored…. Non-stimulating conversations.

·         “How was your day?”

·         “What are we going to eat tonight?”

·         “What you want to do this weekend?”

Now, we all are guilty of casual small talk. But too much small talk, and not enough substance, and the relationship slowly deteriorates. Gradually, two people who were once intimately close, can evolve into complete strangers.

It doesn’t happen intentionally, but without intentional effort, it does happen. Therefore, in order to be proactive and protect this from occurring in your relationship, here are three ways you can spice up your daily conversations.  

1.     Be Curious – In his famous book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dale Carnegie is quoted as saying “Interested People are Interesting People”. The same concept applies in our relationships. We start out curious in our relationships, but the more we know, the less curious we become. Sometimes this happens not because we loose interest, we just assume we have the answers.

2.     Ask More Questions - A quick way to improve in this area is to simply ask more questions. Not the usual, “How was your day”, “What do you want to eat tonight” type of questions. These are routine and offer little insight beyond the surface. No, ask questions that force you to learn new things, instead of just receive updates.

3.     Make Contribution – It’s one thing to be interested, it’s another thing to be invested.  When you contribute to a conversation, you go above and beyond the actual conversation. You do more than “not interrupt” or respond with simple, compliance answers such as “I hear you” “I agree”, etc. No, when you contribute, you are intentional about providing new insights.

To be clear… adding value is different than adding your opinion. Most people don’t have a problem with offering their opinion.  However, when you add value - you ask questions, you research solutions, you investigate resources, the list goes on.  This is vastly different than merely offering an opinion based on your thoughts or past experiences.

If you have problems communicating with your partner or need strategies on how to improve communication in your relationship – reach out for counseling today. Counseling is 100% virtual and can occur from the convenience of your own home. Don’t stand in the way of your own #relationshipgoals.