How to build Trust in Your Relationship

Everyone talks about the importance of trust in a relationship. And for good reason, because without it, it’s impossible to give yourself fully to the person you are with.  When we lack trust in a relationship, we hold back, interrogate, second guess, and develop alternate plans. Even when we claim to trust the person we are with, our actions can prove otherwise. However, the bigger question is less about the importance of trust, but rather, what do we do when trust is broken.  Since disappointment, failed expectations, and mistakes are inevitable, the process of rebuilding trust is inevitable. At some point in your relationship, we all we must embark upon the journey of rebuilding trust, so whether it’s now or in the future, here are four questions you must ask.

1.     Has the Issue Stopped?

If the problem hasn’t stopped in your relationship, it’s impossible to rebuild trust in that area. There is no getting around it. It’s counterproductive to try and build trust, while continuing to do what caused the problem in your relationship. It’s hard to forgive behavior that is still occurring, even when it happens less often.

2.     Was the Issue Fully Addressed?

No one likes to be questioned in their relationship. But the truth is, if a problem hasn’t been fully addressed, if a story seems incomplete, or there is an unwillingness to talk about a problem, there will be ongoing distrust in the relationship. Truthfully, it is difficult to determine whether a problem has been completely addressed in a relationship. However, it’s rarely a one-time conversation. In order to build trust in your relationship, there has to be a sincere openness to engage tough conversations. Talking about a problem can be helpful and can help bring closure.  Addressing problems in your relationship, doesn’t always mean talking about every detail. While this can be helpful, it is sometimes about creating a safe space to openly communicate and understand how your spouse is feeling at different times. When you are trying to build trust in your relationship, effective communication is essential.

3.     What is the plan moving forward?

If our behavior in a relationship doesn’t change, then the quality of our relationship will not change. It is easy to believe that our desire for change will be enough to improve our relationship. It’s not. It’s a start, but it’s not sustainable over long periods of time. Without self-awareness, help and support, and follow up action, it will be impossible to create long-term change. Since the majority of our behavior in a relationship is done out of habit, developing a plan and focusing on successful relational habits is important. If you want to build trust in your relationship, you should always ask, “What is my plan?”.

A plan helps us identify how we got there in the first place. What led to it, what underlying issue contributed to it, and what outside factor influenced it. These observations can help if we truly want to re-establish trust. If we are serious about change, we must be honest with ourselves first. Otherwise, we will believe what we want to be true, and experience the same results.

4.     Have you Allowed Enough Time?

There is no set amount of time when it comes to rebuilding trust in your relationship. In fact, what we do within a certain time has more impact on our healing than the actual time itself. If we are not actively working to address the problem, time can work against us because the longer we go without addressing an issue, the worse it becomes. When a process is uncomfortable, yes, we want to rush it. However, this does little to effectively move forward when building trust in a relationship. 

If you are looking to rebuild trust in your relationship, and need the support of an outside professional, schedule your first counseling appointment today. You can also listen to the latest episode on the Untherapeutic Podcast about rebuilding trust in your relationship with Dr. Angela Jones.

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