The Biggest Barrier to Success in your Relationship

Our biggest battle is against our own Normal.  Whatever we have grown accustomed to, and are most familiar with, creates the most resistance in our lives.  Which is why, we often find ourselves in cycles that repeat themselves, over and over again.  A common misconception is that most challenges exist externally – whether it’s a spouse in a toxic relationship, or an extra ten pounds we are trying to loose.  While true to some extent, these obstacles don’t prevent us from moving forward.  Instead, it’s our inability to move beyond our own “normal” that prevents us from creating desired changes.

So…why is fighting your own “normal” so difficult? 

1.     Our Normal was Created without Consent: Most of our habits and beliefs were created from the earliest experiences of our life. Everything we saw growing up, and everything we experienced, became the foundation of what we now consider normal. Often times, it’s not until we are consistently exposed to something new, that our normal changes. 

2.     No Red Flags:  Because it’s our normal, nothing seems out of place. We adjust our lives accordingly because it is our normal. We naturally assume our normal is just how things are.  The realization that something is out of place doesn’t occur until later, which unfortunately, is when habits have already been established.

Creating a new normal is difficult, try this next time you’re at war.

1.     Find a New Group: Surround yourself with individuals who affirm the person you are trying to become.  It provides support, and reaffirms what you are working to affirm.

2.     Embrace Discomfort: Even good change is hard.  Anticipating challenges, and embrace the difficulty that naturally comes with it. When we change, it normally gets worse before it gets better. This uncomfortable in-between phase is when many people make a U-turn. Don’t. An unhealthy place of comfort can feel better than the unknown.