It's Okay to Hurt Someone

It’s better to heal from Hurt than…

Have you ever not wanted to end a relationship out of fear that you would hurt the other person? Whether the relationship had run its course, or if you never intended for it to go that far in the first place, deep down, you knew it was time to move on. We all have been there. They didn’t do anything wrong, and at face value, you should be perfectly content. However, because “you care” and don’t want to hurt them, you go along, semi-engaged - in hopes that they would either leave first or do something worthy of you calling it quits. 

As a person who has wrestled with avoidance, I understand this story all too well. That’s why I can speak to the viciousness of this approach to handling relationships. First-hand, I know the selfish, but seemingly altruistic force that keeps this unhealthy cycle in motion.

So let’s discuss how you got here.

1.     Temporary Relief: At the end of a really bad break up, we often find ourselves at the end of another extreme.  It’s how we vow to never be in that same position again. The problem however, is that while this offers us temporary relief, we are in denial about certain attributes the person before provided. So while the person you are with may not do “this”, they may not have “that” either.  And, if we are not honest with ourselves, “that something” may be an imperative when it comes to being in a satisfying relationship.

2.     Alignment: A lot of times, we find ourselves in this mundane position because we were never fired up from beginning. In our heads, it made sense, but in our heart, it never aligned.  Therefore, we tried to (unsuccessfully) convince ourselves that we should feel a certain way because of the many ways it made sense.

3.     Avoidance: When you’re drowning, it doesn’t matter who saves you.  Unfortunately, the same is often true in relationships. When we are hurting from a previous relationship, we are more susceptible to bypass certain aspects of a person, so as long as they provide relief from the pain we feel. It’s when we eventually heal, that we realize, they are meeting a need that no longer exist.

So next time you are considering whether to stay or leave, consider the different ways your decision could negatively impact both you and the person you are with.

1.     Long-term damage: Temporary hurt does not compare to long-term injuries. The longer you exist in a relationship that you know is not right and will soon end, the more damage you will cause to the other person.

2.     Missed opportunities:  You block your own opportunities to find the right person, when you stay in a committed relationship with the wrong person. 

3.     It’s not your responsibility: It’s your responsibility to operate in truth and honesty in a relationship, but it’s impossible to safeguard others from experiencing hurt when your paths no longer align.