When NOT to be in a Relationship
“Why your Relationship could End before it starts”
Maybe it’s Not a Good Time to Start a New Relationship
New Relationships.
They’re fun, exciting, blissful, and every other good thing.
Oh my, the joy of experiencing a new first. The first date. The first vacation. The first…
That feeling is irreplaceable. It’s indescribable. And, most importantly, it “feels right”. It feels so right that the thought of leaving seems unimaginable.
Yet as most of us know, that “feeling” doesn’t always last. Not to rain on anyone’s love picnic – but the rush of initial excitement, must evolve into a natural steadiness if it is to last. Yes, there may be times that remind of us our “why”, and moments that make us forget the world around us, but long-lasting relationships are not held together by euphoria.
It happens differently for different relationships, so there is no set time or expiration date. Sometimes it’s gradual, and other times, it’s ‘all of a sudden’. Regardless, it does happen. However, this is not about what happens once you’re in a relationship. No. And more importantly, this is about what happens before you’re in a relationship.
The quality of your relationship, begins before you actually start a relationship.
Whether it’s your first, real relationship or right after a bad breakup, what happens before, can determine, what happens during.
So…. Before you jump, this is when You should NOT get in a relationship:
Four Times You Should Never Start a New Relationship
Hurting: Entering a new relationship while still hurting from an old relationship is never healthy. First, when we are hurting, our focus is only on not hurting. Pain makes it hard to think of anything else. Which means, in a relationship, we can overlook obvious and negative, warning signs because of the blinding nature of our own pain. Secondly, our perception of “good” is off. When we are in pain, a little seems like a lot, as long as it provides temporary relief.
Fearful: Fear is a powerful emotion. If fear is the driving force, the relationship losses its value when the other person is no longer fearful. If fear were a plant, insecurity would be the water and soil that nourishes it. Therefore, when a relationship is birthed out of fear, it is only sustained when insecurity is present. This is why, your perspective and feelings about a relationship change when you become more confident.
Lonely: It’s human nature to desire companionship. However, it’s important to distinguish between being single versus being alone. When we are single, we are not in an intimate relationship. Conversely, being alone means that we do not have a sufficient supply of satisfying relationships. Therefore, making a decision to get in a relationship at this time, often leads to: 1) over reliance on your spouse (they are your everything) and 2) Using someone to fill a void versus being with someone that adds value.
Dependent: Everyone likes to feel needed. If you aren’t needed, then why are you there… Being dependent on the other hand is different. Operating from a place of dependency, limits your ability to make decisions beyond that area. For example, your social and emotional well-being become secondary if your basic needs are in jeopardy.
If you have questions or need help making your relationship or marriage work, counseling can help. Schedule your free, consultation today or appointment and improve the quality of your relationship before it is too late.