What to Do When You Missed Out on Your 20's?

The Benjamin Button Effect…

In the romantic love film, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, Brad Pitt plays a character who ages in reverse.  He is born with the physical appearance of an elderly man, but mentally, he is still a child. As the story continues, the reverse happens as well. Of course it’s a movie, but in a strange way, the “Benjamin Button Effect” exist in real life.

Maybe not in a literal sense – but life forces some of us to have adult-like experiences while we are still young in age.  On the other hand, some of us are trying to recapture experiences of our youth when we are adults.  

I recently listened to a story about someone who had cheated on her husband.  On the surface, you would never predict she would have an affair.  She went to a prestigious university, had an excellent career, and was an overall good human being. She was the salt of the earth. And when together, they seemed perfectly in love. However, she got married immediately after college, had children, and morphed into a full-time mom.

All was good - at first.

But… after two decades of marriage, she struggled with “missing out”, and was lured by the excitement of something else. What that something was, it’s hard to say, it could have been a new thrill, spontaneity, the excitement of risk, or shear unhappiness. Regardless, it was enough for her to get a divorce.  

If this is you, or if you find yourself in a similar situation, consider the following before you walk away or become the “old person” at the party trying look cool!   

1.     Clarity: Clarify what you missed, in real terms. It’s easy to get lost in the “idea” of missing out on something, when in reality, you may already have access to it.

2.     All or Nothing: Let go of black-or-white thinking.  You don’t have to abandon everything, in order to capture that one something. 

3.     Embrace What’s Real: Stress free, problem free living doesn’t exist.  Of course, there is only so much a person can take, but abandon the belief that if you only had this, you wouldn’t have to worry about…

4.      What do you Value: Is what you missed, connected to what you value?  The shiny new toy is always shiny..., until it gets old.  Our values on the other hand, reflect what’s most important and serve our long-term needs.

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