Why Bad Relationships are Hard to Leave
It’s Not What You Think
They’re bad for you.
How could you put up with that?
You can do better?
Good relationships seem hard to find, and bad relationships seem hard to leave. But what makes it so difficult to leave something that we know isn’t good for us? At the very least, we would assume that our own selfishness would drive us to make sound relational decisions. Obvious as it may seem, we all know this isn’t the case.
But why...
First and foremost, the human brain is a powerful tool. It’s so powerful, it can even be used to override logic, and rationalize decisions that we know aren’t good. In certain instances, this is positive; but other times, this only keeps us from seeing the obvious.
But once we know something is bad, what makes leaving so hard?
Is it that we don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like? Sometimes.
Is it that others haven’t told us that our relationship is unhealthy? Rarely.
Bad relationships aren’t hard to leave because we don’t know they are bad. Bad relationships are hard to leave because of us. That’s right, we block our own exits.
Here are a few examples of what I mean...
It’s Not All Bad - When we say that a relationship is not good for us, there is an assumption that all aspects of that relationship are bad. Although in reality, even Bad relationships have good parts to them. When we focus on instances of good versus the entirety of a relationship, we miss the big picture.
Comfort - It’s been said that people are more comfortable sitting next to someone they don’t know than someone they don’t like. The same is true in relationships, the fear of something new, can outweigh the discomfort of something painful.
You - How you view yourself, is best reflected by who you’re most comfortable spending time with. That’s why, when you change, who you associate with is one of the first areas of your life that changes. Whether good or bad, it’s hard to escape the real you… even if you find someone else.
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